


James Reynolds: The James Reynolds Story- By James Reynolds

by sea_pig



Category: BoJack Horseman, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: AU, kind of crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:24:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sea_pig/pseuds/sea_pig
Summary: Reynolds has spent twenty years sitting on his couch doing absolutely nothing since his TV show 'The Reynolds Pamphlet' ended. Armed with his agent/ex-wife Maria, and his 'roommate' Susan, James sets out to make a name for himself again, and that name is James Goddamn Reynolds.Hamilton characters in the Bojack Horseman narrative. Except they're all humans because I'm not interested in writing humanoid animals. Give it a chance?





	James Reynolds: The James Reynolds Story- By James Reynolds

"Are you drunk?" Susan asked, plopping down on the couch next to James, holding a pizza box. He ignored the question (it wasn't any of her business, anyway) and glared at her. "You better not've used my card to order that." 

Having gotten used to his gruff nature a long time ago, she just grinned and pulled out a slice. "That's not an answer." She said, before taking a large bite. He returned his attention to the TV, making the unanimous decision to ignore her, when she spoke again. "Are. You. Drunk?" She spoke slowly, like he was stupid, and he hated her in that moment. 

"I've been drinking since I was 10, it takes a lot of beer to get me drunk." He retorted, and she glanced pointedly at the empty cans and bottles littering the table. 

"Okay, yes. I'm drunk." He rolled his eyes, reaching into the box for a slice of pizza. If she used his credit card then he was gonna eat the goddamn pizza. 

"You're just upset because Maria wants to get a divorce."  
"She doesn't want a divorce. We're on a break." 

Maria took that moment to walk into the room. She probably planned this entire thing, just to make him feel bad. "We're not on a break, I'm divorcing your dumb ass." 

James threw his head back in anger, smacking it on the hard edge of the couch. "Jesus Christ!" He swore, jerking to his feet and knocking over several bottles. He rubbed the back of his head and glared at Maria. 

"That reminds me. You know that book you're pretending to write?" She asked, not even dignifying him with a glance. She was on her phone, type type typing away. That's all she ever did was dick around on her phone. James wanted nothing more than to throw it off the balcony.

"Am writing." He corrected, even though she was just going to ignore him. 

“Sure. Anyway, the publisher hired you a ghostwriter.”

"A ghostwriter?" He made a face. "Tell them I said no. I can write my own damn memoir." 

"Obviously not." Maria rolled her eyes, turning her phone and holding it out for him to see. He took it, eyes taking a minute to focus. Damn, he really /was/ drunk. 

It was a picture of a girl, a really pretty girl, with a small, thin face and long brown hair. She looked innocent, but in James’ opinion it was the kind of innocent that lasted until she had you tied up in her bedroom. "She's hot." He commented as he handed the phone back, internally (only internally, definitely not externally) cringing at the look Maria gave him. 

"Her name's Eliza Schuyler. I've already sent you her number. Give her a call, if not for you then for me." 

"Why do you care? You're divorcing me." 

"Yeah, but I'm still your agent, and you make me 0% of my money. Call her." Her phone rang at that moment and she answered it, walking away. 

"Listen, James." Susan climbed over the couch to get to him, and James opened his mouth to tell her to stop walking on the damn furniture before she spoke again. "How's this sound? We'll throw a party, and I'll invite the ghost writer." 

"No. Every time you throw a party I always get stuck with cleaning up." 

"I promise I'll clean up. Come on." She tugged on his sleeve and he sighed. "Jesus Christ, fine." If James didn’t give in, then she’d just hound him until he did. And right now, he didn’t want to have to deal with that.

"Good. By the way, can I use your card to buy food for the party?" 

He sighed, tugging his wallet out and handing it to her. "Don't go over 200."

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment with your constructive criticisms!


End file.
